Alright, so unless you’ve been living under a rock this entire year, there’s a good chance you’ve seen at least one Epi from the boys over at On the Bench. These boys from Airdrie, Jacob and Olly have created quite the library of hockey tips and tricks, and they’ve gone about as viral as you can go in our little world of hockey and for a good reason--They’re funny as hell.
Whether you’re trying to impress the scouties in the seats, work on your one T’s, or just hate Corey Perry--these videos are for you. Before you start, you’ll want to familiarize yourself with a few new hockey terms. I’ve gone ahead and started a dictionary for all of the new terms you’re going to have to familiarize yourself with if you want to stay relevant talking hockey in 2017.
Dictionary
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Anaheims 5th Line: The referees
Bleachies: Bleachers
Ice: Not something required to play ice hockey
Crossies: Used to get out of the corners quick
Kessler Special: Any kind of dirty/cheap play or hit (best when from behind and you have a clear view of the numbers)
Facies: Faceoffs
Goggles: Sunglasses
Hashies: Hash Marks
Epi: Episode
One T: One-timer
Fundies: Fundamentals
Rockets: Good looking ladies in the crowd
One-knee Timber Tuck: Basic shot blocking maneuver
B-way: Breakaway
B-hand: Backhander
Toe-ies: Toe Drags
The TJ: Tape Job
Scoutie: Hockey Scout
Rubber Rockets: Slap Shots
Wrappy Clappy: A wraparound finished off with a slap shot
Marchand Speshy: stick ‘em between the legs where the sun don’t shine for no reason at all (doesn’t matter if you score 39 g’s a season, always play dirty)
Must WATCH Epies
If you only have a few minutes, here are the must-see epies:
Top Quotes
If you don’t have any time at all, which I find impossible since you’ve come this far, here’s a few hockey quotes you should be taping up on your locker room door for inspiration:
“I’m not much of a tipper boys, I’m more of a walk-in from the hashies and just low cheese snipe it” -Olly
“That’s bisky blockin’ boys” -Olly
“You do whatever it takes possible boys, to keep the bisky in the zone boys” -Olly
“We’re gonna teach you guys the fundies of blocking the biscuit. To me, it’s not important, but maybe to your coach it is. The only reason I block the Biskie boys is for the rockets in the crowd.” -Olly
“Destroy the dot” -Olly
“If you think you’re going to lose the draw boys, just fold” -Olly
“It’s probably super rare boys, but when you see Ovechkin in the corner, make sure he never comes back” -Olly
“This b-way here boys, I call it the triple-leggie. It just gets everyone off their game” - Olly
“So we’ve had a lot of requests from the tendy fans and we thought hey, tendys probably the easiest position in the game” -Olly
“Always stack the pillows” -Olly
“Always play the bisky boys” -Olly
“Always blame it on the D boys. Sick defense Chara you streetpole” -Olly
“You just want to toe-y the D-man boys and grease your snapper” -Olly
“Walk in boys, hit the goalie with a leggy and then just a low cheese missy” -Olly
“Hey boys and rockets, welcome back to another epi” -Olly
“And that’s what you do when the ice piggies aren’t lookin’ boys” -Jacob
“After a mid-cheese missy boys, scouts love seeing cellies” - Olly
If you want to read more about the boys from On the Bench and their story (It’s pretty neat) you can read this article or if you have some terms or quotes we missed, let us know!